I met a dog today. It taught me how to die.

Recently I've been sleeping like shit. My mind is racing and when it's not pointing out everything negative with my life and current situation, it's running through all sorts of "what if" scenarios. It sucks to say the least and I haven't had a solid nights sleep in a while. Occasionally I'll sleep alright, but I will still wake up tired. To keep my brain and inner monologue busy I have been sleeping with a movie on repeat or a TV show going through out the night and early morning. If not on my tv, then sounds and preferably some fashion of dialogue is pouring out of my laptop snuggled closely to me next to my pillow. I've pretty much been rotating between the same shows and films cause of comfort, familiarity, nostalgia, or any combination of the three.

The League
The Fountain



The Prestige
The Social Network
Lord of the Rings (all 3)
25th Hour



The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
The Breakfast Club
Breaking Bad
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo



Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy 
The Harry Potter films

Those are the ones I've been rotating through recently. Not sure this is in the least bit of interest, but they help me sleep. I'm curious as to if others have go to films or shows that help them fall asleep, and what they are. I just picked up Planet Earth. Between the episodes themselves, commentary and the special features, hopefully that will be worth at least a few months of nights.
That's basically it as of late. Just trying to sleep or get things in order to allow me to be more comfortable thus allowing me to sleep better.

The days are short and I wrote me my last rhyme.

-->

Sometimes I will rediscover (or discover, I suppose) a song (or songs) and they will hit at the perfect time and I will be in the perfect mood which will kind of set off a chain reaction inside me and I will want nothing but to listen to that (or those) song(s). Said perfect mood will then resonate and be carried with the songs that are playing at that moment and whenever I listen for a long while after, I can recall how I felt that evening or that one night when I really needed that song. This doesn’t happen very often, but often enough for me to recognize when it does happen and enough for me to be excited to be in that state and overjoyed to be able to experience that regardless. It’s rare and it almost only happens in the evening/late at night/early morning, but I’ll take it any time it comes. I think it has to do with being relaxed and calm.

Breaking Bad. Wow. 6 episodes left. So damn good. Am in the middle of rewatching it all and the second time through I am enjoying the characters so much more this time around for some reason. I guess just picking up on more subtleties. It’s winding down, bitch.

I put all my movies in an excel spreadsheet and assigned them a random number, then organized them by said random number. Now when I can’t decide what to watch, I open that up and go through that list. This will save time and allow me to refamiliarize myself with my collection and watch stuff I might not necessarily feel like, but may feel differently once it starts. It’s a solution. Maybe not the one I’m looking for, but one for the time being.

Not much going on otherwise. Taking sometime off in September, not much though, not enough to get completely lost, just enough to clear my head.

"What matters most is how well you walk through fire."

"What we see before us is just one tiny part of the world. We get into the habit of thinking, this is the world, but that's not true at all. The real world is a much darker and deeper place than this, and much of it is occupied by jellyfish and things." - Haruki Murakami



Ampersand had her first vet visit and she seemed to not mind it much.

I've been sleeping like shit recently. It's making me zapped of all energy. I don't like it much. I get lazy and sleepy, but then am unable to actually fall asleep. This cycle needs to be broken.

I am trying to get rid of some of my stuff. I went through about a quarter of my closet and threw some shit away. I want to finish that now and have the urge to, but just am so damn tired. Maybe that's why I'm kind of despondent recently.

I started working out again. Let's see if I can lose the little bit of weight I gained back and a bit more. That's the goal.

Going to see Palms on Saturday.



Played through The Last of Us and it has quickly become one of my favorite games. Fantastic through and through. Looking forward to playing through it again. Next up, Bioshock: Infinite.





Off to lay in bed and eventually fall asleep...feeling like Oh Dae-Su.

Can I borrow your eyes?

This year is already half over. As slow as time feels, it sure is passing with great speed.

I'm starting to film a movie with my friend later this week. I think it will mainly be a slight trainwreck and not turn that great. I've tried to help make some changes and talk to him about certain aspects of the script that are pretty awful, but as of yet, it's going forward with little change. It's his baby though so I'll help him out. It will be an experience to say the least.

I've started watching Six Feet Under all over again. I feel comfortable when this show is on. There's something about the characters and their universe that I feel like I'm very slightly a part of and it's calming. It also occupies my brain and I can just zone out to it.



Watching Game of Thrones makes me want to travel to places all over the world. I would probably be slightly let down due to the fact of how no one would be dressed in rad outfits and there aren't tales of dragons or vicious kings to be weary of, but I still think I'd be OK with that. Speaking of which, I'm trying to get in gear with reading more. I want to, it's just something I have to make a conscious effort to do till I get in the habit of doing so again. There are a good handful of things I need to get in the habit of doing again. I've fallen in a funk and need to get out of it. Not sure how to do that yet, but I'll figure it out. My default feeling is something like not quite content. It's like having an itch I can't scratch. It's frustrating and I get frustrated that I'm frustrated.



I went and visited my mom this last week. I really enjoyed it. I love getting out of town and getting away. I spent some time by myself (nothing new there) walking around Auburn which was nice, and even the drive to and from which is a little over 2 hours each way, always is pleasant. I usually don't do much when I go up there, but it just feels like a completely different state when I'm there.

I'm tired. Work today was easily one of my least favorite days there. I should really start actively looking for a career type job.

Got my own theme music, it plays wherever I are.

I'm burning bridges.

I destroy the mirage.

Visions of collisions.

Fuckin' bon voyage.

I'm on a mission to wipe imagination clean.

-->

I feel like my brain has been has been put through a dryer or something. Not sure if this was the sickness that encompassed me for a long while, longer than usual, or a culmination of everything else. Or both.  Either way, here’s a new entry. Not much is new for the most part.

Went to rat136’s show opening at Zerofriends last Saturday. There were 136 pieces all involving his trademark rat character. It was a fun time, I met some really nice people, and ate some tasty food.  The attention to detail in his pieces blows me away and instantly makes me want to create. His work can be seen and purchased here.

If you live near Oakland, I can’t recommend enough checking out this show.

-->

Next week, Daniel and I are going to LA (hopefully…will cement this outing soon) to check out the Stanley Kubrick gallery at the LAMC. I’ve seen pictures from others who have gone and am really looking forward to seeing props and what not from his films in person. We plan on leaving in the early AM, getting there in the early afternoon, checking it out, maybe getting some food, then driving on back that night. It’s nothing I haven’t done before, but should be interesting none the less.

The following day, I’m seeing Sigur Ros in SF, which is exciting since they will be playing new material, and have a 14-piece orchestra with them and a unique light show. They mentioned this being a one-time thing and that they won’t be touring with a crew like this again…so it sounds special. We’ll see.   

Finally, the night after that, I have tickets to see How to Destroy Angels (with DIIV opening!) which is going to be all kinds of rad. The band is working with the same company that help put on NIN’s Lights in the Sky tour which, when it came around here, I was lucky enough to catch because it instantly because one of my favorite shows I’ve ever seen. The elaborate stage set-ups and the inclusion of lights and screens with the music itself was phenomenal and nothing like I’ve ever seen. Rob Sheridan of HTDA mentioned something along the lines of the show would be just as much a visual show as it will be an audible one. 

@><@

Everything is normal. No one is happy.

I’m still congested. It’s been weeks now. I will call the doctor in the morning, but it’s more annoying than anything.  I’m not sure if it’s more annoying because I feel like I have more annoyances currently, or if those current annoyances are more annoying than usual because of my annoyingly annoying congestion? Either way I’m taking one or two on in my head at a time and trying to ignore the rest.

While I feel like I have less people in my life than ever before, I feel like I have no problem burning bridges. I feel more obliged to do so because I’m tired of most people and the nonsense that comes along with them. I’m sure it’s not all them, but I don’t really care at this point. Maybe once I get uncongested I will care and I will want to try harder or whatever, but I doubt it.

I’m excited for the new Alkaline Trio. I’ve heard 4 or 5 tracks from it and can’t wait to check out the rest. There are a few other albums I’m looking forward to getting my hands on, but this one is most immediate. 

The Newsroom is one of the best shows on TV now. Just finished the first season and the writing is brilliant on so many levels. I can’t recommend it enough.